Sometimes it happens that a woman falls in love with a man, and then it turns out that he is married. Immediately after this, thoughts appear that such relationships need to be terminated. However, this is very difficult to do.
Why is it better to stop loving a married man?
Situations when a beloved man turns out to be married are quite rare. However, it is precisely such cases that are considered the most difficult. After all, the average man will constantly feel guilty about his abandoned children and wife.
In addition, he will understand that:
- The abandoned spouse will take a long time to recover from the divorce;
- The children will be offended by him. In addition, the departure of the father can negatively affect the development of the child’s psyche;
- Love for a new woman may fade over time. A man will constantly think about whether it was in vain that he exchanged his children and wife for another woman.
That is why in most cases, after leaving the family, husbands return after some time. A woman who loves such a man has only one thing left to do - stop loving him. This is not easy to do, but it is the best way out of this situation.
Psychologists have identified a number of points that help you understand how to stop loving a married man.
First of all you need to:
- Pay attention to your self-esteem. Sometimes women deliberately start relationships with married men. In this way they boost their low self-esteem by thinking that they are better than their lover's wife. However, there are many other ways to improve self-esteem without destroying other people's families.
- Highlight the negative qualities of a man. Every person has his own negative qualities. It's just that when people are in love, they may not notice them. Perhaps the man is rude in places, has bad habits or does not like children. It is better to think about this in advance than to experience all this on yourself later;
- Imagine yourself in the place of your lover's wife. It is quite difficult to fulfill this point, and some women do not want to do it at all. However, it’s worth imagining yourself in the place of a woman who waits for her husband at night, thinking that he is at work and not with his mistress;
- Remember religion. Believing women must know that any religion condemns infidelity. Of course, you shouldn’t punish yourself too much and blame yourself for choosing a married man. It is enough to go to church and ask for forgiveness for this, and also reject further “adultery”;
- How to stop loving a married man faster? Try not to see him, let him go. After each new meeting, unnecessary memories will arise that can lead to tears and suffering. Only by eliminating meetings with a married man will it be possible to completely forget him;
- Eliminate from life all things that remind you of him. This point is very similar to the previous one. Gifts from your lover, his phone number in your address book, clothes - all this will once again remind you of him;
- Change the way you think. Every time thoughts related to this person appear in your head, you need to start thinking about other things. It looks something like this: “Igor... Stop. I don't think about him. I'm thinking about what to cook for breakfast";
- Have fun, don't suffer. First of all, you should not isolate yourself and sit at home all day long thinking about a married man. On the contrary, you need to start going out with friends more often, making new acquaintances, going on vacation;
- Get angry at the man. We must try to remember every deception of his, every unfulfilled word or promise. After this, you should adjust yourself to the idea that he doesn’t love you that much. And in general, why love a man because of whom a girl suffers?
- Give him an ultimatum. You need to look at things with real eyes and understand that a man is unlikely to leave his wife on his own, even if he has already promised this more than once. We need to give him an ultimatum: “either get a divorce or leave.” In most cases, after such a conversation, the man either leaves or begins to come up with many excuses, according to which he cannot do this now.
You need to be realistic and not hope that a relationship with a married man will be successful. This is the only way to save yourself from further problems in relationships, tears and depression.
Ask to meet his parents and go to his work
If the relationship is serious, then sooner or later the woman has to meet the parents of her lover. However, how can a married man introduce a new woman? Mistress? Refusal of such a request will immediately cause negative emotions in the woman, which will make separation easier. The answer to such a request is obvious in almost 100% of cases.
obvious reaction
You can also ask the man to meet his parents. There is no point in hiding the fact that he is married during the process. Usually married men refuse such meetings, because they mentally understand that the relationship with a new woman will not last long.
Divorce from his wife can also affect a man's reputation. After all, at work they are better treated as exemplary family men, rather than employees who leave their families and cheat on their wives.
Coming to work is not an easy step to take, but it is worth it. Coming to work with a man, his intentions and attitude towards the woman will immediately be clear.
Only after he angrily kicks his “lover” out of the building can the level of his love be determined.
Ask for a divorce
Most men who cheat on their wives are cowards. To check this, you can ask him a couple of times for a divorce or talk to him about starting a family. Usually in such situations, men begin to change the topic, come up with excuses or laugh it off.
Divorces initiated by men are extremely rare. And besides, work - no one wants to spoil their reputation and lose their position.
This usually turns off lovers. Of course, if a woman wants to always be in the background and act as a servant, then she can continue to date a married man. At the same time, you need to know that the chance of securing a normal future next to such a person is practically zero.
This act can be looked at from two sides. On the one hand, calling your wife will most likely cause conflict between you and your lover, which will make it easier to separate. On the other hand, in this way you can completely destroy a man’s family, which will make his wife and children suffer.
talk to his wife
You don't even have to call your wife. You can, for example, send her screenshots of love correspondence or send her a couple of photographs together. If photographs are sent, it is better to hide the face to avoid further problems.
Usually in such situations, wives do not kick men out of the house - they begin to completely control them. This means that meetings with a married lover will become much less frequent and shorter.
But the woman will have more time to find a new man, which will allow her to forget the previous one, who has a wife and children.
Leave “traces of betrayal” on it
If you have decided to stop loving a married man, then you need to start neglecting all the rules of conduct for mistresses. Namely, you should start calling him early in the morning and late at night, writing SMS with declarations of love, etc. Most likely, after this the man himself will refuse the relationship with you.
If a man asks what is the reason for this behavior, then you can explain it to him by saying that you miss him very much. He may think that you have some kind of mental illness, which will shorten the meetings. However, thanks to this, parting with him will be even easier and easier.
In addition, you can start walking in those places where your lover spends time with his family. It is not at all necessary to make scandals or irritate a man. You can just watch his interactions with his wife and think where he is happier.
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To make a married man fall in love with you - you really want to be happy!
Cupid is a playful and flighty creature. And he does some things without thinking. For example, he may wound your heart with an arrow of love for a man who is already married. And happily married. It may also be that you will learn about his marital status only when your feelings blossom wildly and magnificently. And perhaps you will find out by chance. Or it's no coincidence. You will be hurt in both cases. What to do? How to stop loving a married man if you are sure (most likely quite rightly) that your feelings and your relationship cannot have a happy future?
How to stop loving a married man if you are not in a relationship
Look inside yourself. Try to understand what is happening. Are your feelings really as deep and as true as you think? Are you ready to go through this whole difficult and unpleasant path of a secret lover and family destroyer? Do you really need this man so much that you are willing to endure the humiliation of hidden dates, his leaving and the fact that he belongs to another woman? Perhaps your mind is clouded by an all-consuming passion and you are unable to look at the situation realistically. In this case, you can turn to a person you trust for help. This could be your best friend, your wise mother or a psychologist who will help you abstract from the situation and look at everything from a different point of view.
Hunter or hunted? This is a question you should ask yourself to understand what motivates you and why you fell in love with this particular man. Perhaps there is nothing sweeter for you than to take away what belongs to another, even if this is a subconscious desire. If this is not the first time you have fallen in love with a man who has a wife or girlfriend, you should think twice. Maybe this man will immediately lose his attractiveness to you as soon as he becomes free? Imagine that he does not and never had a wife. Are you sure you still like him? If not, then you are a typical hunter. Something needs to be done about this. Maybe you should join a hunting society and set traps for wild animals to satisfy your hunting instinct? You better leave this man alone.
Another option is sacrifice. Some women subconsciously look for relationships that initially cannot develop in a normal, ordinary way. They are attracted to the role of a victim of circumstances that she cannot cope with. Sometimes the reason for this lies in the family and childhood experiences. Perhaps you have a program in your head that family means problems, quarrels, scandals and eternal discontent. And it seems to you that you are unworthy of a happy marriage. If you grew up in a psychologically dysfunctional environment, you need to carefully monitor your attachments. Perhaps by realizing that you no longer want to be a victim of circumstances, you will be able to stop loving your married lover.
Communicate more with other men. As you know, the best cure for a man is another man. And if the man is not alone, the effect can be even stronger. Surround yourself with attractive, witty, attentive and funny men. Use all possible methods for this, one of which is visiting places where worthy males gather. You can sign up for extreme driving courses, take up bodybuilding or mountaineering, become an active football fan, etc.
And don’t be afraid that it will be difficult for you to make new acquaintances. Yes, your heart is busy, but your time and your interests are yours. And in the case when you do not experience strong emotions and are not afraid of failure, meeting a man is much easier. Treat them like medicine. Take two tablets three times a day.
Probably, after some time you will understand that your wrong lover is not alone in the world, there are other men worthy of your attention. And, quite possibly, you will think that he is not so smart and not so irresistible. And the obsession will pass.
Find out more about his wife and children. Perhaps now for you his wife is “that woman” who stole him from you, bewitched him and does not give him the opportunity to be with you. You are hostile to her without even knowing her. You are also unlikely to have warm feelings for his children, because they are the fruit of his love not for you.
Or perhaps you don’t think much about this aspect of his life at all. It seems to you that when he knows and loves you, they will simply spontaneously and without a trace disappear from his life. But this is not so. These people now occupy a large place in his life and will occupy it even if you start a relationship and it comes to divorce.
Therefore, you should get to know them better. Make inquiries through your friends, find out what kind of person his wife is, what she looks like, where she works, how long ago they met and how long they have been married. Even better, watch him in the bosom of his family. This is not so easy to do, but this step is quite effective. Very often, contemplating how gentle he is with his wife and how much fun he has with his children will forever cure a potential mistress of her passion and desire to be with this man at all costs.
How to stop loving a married man if you have already become his mistress
If your love and your meetings have become familiar and necessary for you, you cannot imagine life without him, it will not be easy to forget him. But you need to get rid of bad habits, and if you decide that he is your bad habit, which will only lead to disappointment, spiritual emptiness and the loss of the best years of your life, be firm in your intention. Be like smokers who quit.
Some quit at once: after finishing the last cigarette, they throw away the pack and never smoke again. If you are a woman with an iron will, then you can do just that. Just throw it out of your heart. Forget it. Break up immediately and forever.
Those who prefer to prolong the agony gradually reduce the number of cigarettes per day. You can act in accordance with this principle. Reduce the number and duration of meetings, find new hobbies and interests or remember old ones in order to be distracted and not think about him constantly.
Some people replace their smoking habit with other habits. They switch to lollipops, for example. You, too, can replace your habit of loving a married man with the habit of loving a free man. (See the point about other men above).
Change externally and internally. Play sports, start drawing, dancing or writing poetry. Do something you've never done before but have wanted to do for a long time. Or you didn’t want to, but try it anyway. When you change, you will be able to look at the situation in a new way. Perhaps your renewed self will not feel the same way about this man as the old one felt.
Many women who become constant mistresses of married men and gradually lose hope of marrying them have low self-esteem. Sometimes such self-esteem is initially inherent in a woman, and sometimes it is acquired over time, not without the help of a married suitor. He may intentionally or unintentionally instill in you the idea that no one else needs you but him, thereby blocking your path to leaving this relationship.
If you broaden your horizons, improve your appearance through exercise or other techniques, your self-esteem will automatically increase, you will feel that you deserve better and you will have the strength to end this unpromising relationship.
Tell him often that you want to marry him. That they firmly intend to become his wife, his next and last. Demand an immediate divorce. Threaten, throw tantrums. Drive him to a nervous breakdown. But don't push yourself. Maintain inner calm even during the peak moments of a raging tornado.
And don’t be afraid to appear before him as a scoundrel and a vixen, because your true goal is not to force him into marriage, as you declare, but to separate. If you show him your unsightly, capricious and hysterical side, then he, most likely, will also show you behavior that is not at all chivalrous. And your love for him may dissipate on its own.
If something went wrong and your dreams were shattered by harsh reality, your relationship with a married man broke down, you should try him. Perhaps the woman finally realized that dating a busy man is bad, and decided to put an end to the relationship, but does not know how to stop loving and grow cold towards her lover. There are several ways.
Effective methods to stop loving a man
It is very important to finally understand yourself, understand that a relationship with a married man interferes with building your personal life, and find happiness with another person. If, after all, a woman is sure that she no longer wants to be tied to a married man, she should use several methods that will make this task easier.Set up for a break
First you need to analyze the behavior and character of a man. The main task of a woman is to find his negative sides. It may not be possible to do this at first, because strong love gets in the way. But if you look at things differently, you will be able to tune in to the break.- Put yourself in your wife's shoes. How unpleasant is it for her to know that her husband does not come home because he is spending time with another woman? How hard is it to accept the existence of a stranger in a relationship? It is likely that if a man walks to the left, he tends to change women like gloves. Is a relationship necessary when there is no confidence that the man will not leave for another passion?
- Find the strength to get angry with a man. We should remember all the moments when he promised to come, but did not come. He constantly promised to divorce, complained about disagreements with his wife, but still returned to the family.
- Take off your rose-colored glasses. You need to face the truth, then you will be able to understand that the man is there only because it is convenient for him. The wife will feed, wash, iron the clothes, and the mistress will satisfy. Does a cheating man deserve such privileges?
Break up with a man
First you need to evaluate yourself. Why did you choose a married man? Is he rich, experienced, good in bed? Perhaps there are the same men who are not in a relationship. There is no need to increase your self-esteem due to the fact that a man is cheating on his wife and their relationship is on the brink.A married man who has a mistress will not be in a hurry to break off the relationship. Therefore, the woman will have to do it herself. You should talk to him seriously, tell him about your experiences, explain that a supporting role is not for her. Do not shed tears under any circumstances, exclude hugs and other tenderness. You need to speak clearly and confidently. Do not doubt your words, do not give in to persuasion to stay. It should be understood that it is convenient for a man to have a mistress, and therefore he is ready to promise anything. That's why we need to put an end to this.
A woman should not offer to remain friends, and certainly should not accept such an offer from a man. If you constantly see a person, then it will be very difficult to get out of the habit of him, and even more so to stop loving him. We need to put an end to it once and for all.
Burn all bridges
Experienced psychologists who know a lot about human relationships will say that you can stop loving a married man only if you forget about him. You should burn all bridges, not return to the past, and eliminate the possibility of another meeting.Often, lovers continue to seek meetings with their former passion in order to end up in bed with her again. A woman should value herself and not give in to temptations to spend time together.
If a woman and her lover have mutual friends, if possible, you should limit communication with them for the first time. Once the pain of the breakup subsides, you can reconnect. But there is no need to discuss your lover’s affairs with friends, since such conversations are best avoided.
You should not try to take revenge by finding a new man and showing your relationship for everyone to see. You need to understand that in this situation it is initially necessary to calm down, cool down, and only then start a new relationship.
Cut all ties
If possible, it is necessary to cut off all ties that may connect a woman with a “married man.” If this means you have to change jobs, it may be worth taking that step. Or you need to try to understand yourself. At every meeting, suffering will be inevitable, and you will want to return everything back.You should get rid of everything that reminds you of the relationship. You need to throw away all the gifts, delete messages and the number, send photos from your laptop to the Trash. You should stop communicating with the man's friends. This way, thoughts about your lover will gradually subside.
If memories constantly appear in your head, you should do something that will help you distract yourself. It’s better to find a hobby that doesn’t give you time for extraneous thoughts. You need to learn to confront memories that cause pain.
Cry
As soon as the relationship is broken, a woman should not throw out all her emotions to close people. They should not see her weakness, pain and resentment, since this is humiliation and causes nothing but pity.It is possible that close people will begin to humiliate the woman, telling her that such a relationship initially did not bode well. It is best to express your emotions alone. For example, you can take a pillow, cry into it, scream. This will definitely make things easier. Most importantly, no one will see it, and the pain will subside. If there is a need, a woman can turn to a psychologist, because she can express all her painful issues to him. There is no need to kill yourself, blame yourself for everything.
You need to live on, understand that everything is still ahead, and you will definitely meet a person along the way who will be able to heal the wounds in your heart. Under no circumstances should you “treat” pain with alcohol or drugs, as this is not a solution. On the contrary, it will be even more painful, and health problems will appear.
To begin a new life
In order to start life with a clean slate, you must adhere to certain rules. What a woman should do:- You need to completely erase your relationship with a married man from your life. It is necessary to start living in a new way. You shouldn’t get hung up on the feelings you’ve experienced, because there is so much beauty in the world.
- It is necessary to draw conclusions, analyze what a woman could learn during the time spent together. We need to stop here and cross out everything that happened. You can try to throw out your thoughts on paper, reread them and burn them. Many people claim that this method works.
- It’s important to try to do what you’ve always wanted to do. It is worth remembering what has always been put off until later due to lack of time. There is no need to waste your free time pointlessly. Now there are more hours, and therefore they can be used profitably.
- Push into the background all the emotions that are associated with love stories. The woman thus torments herself, and therefore it does not become easier. It is better to change activities if you are not satisfied with it. If you find a job you like, then there will be no time to be sad.
How to painlessly survive a breakup with a “married man”?
After a relationship with a man ends, your soul will hurt. Sometimes after a breakup, women are in a state of shock. At first, a woman may cry, laugh, be nervous, or be aggressive. This is fine.
But there are several recommendations that will help you improve your well-being and come to terms with reality:
- Personalization. After a breakup, a woman’s soul is left with an emptiness that should be filled with interesting work and hobbies, going to the movies with old friends. You should not rush to meet other men until you have peace of mind.
- Let your feelings out. A woman can cry and feel sorry for herself. Awareness of loss will help you survive the pain and open up to a new life.
- Pull yourself together. You can sit down and think about how a woman sees her future. Reflect on what was lost and what you would like to gain. You need to seriously understand yourself, understand how to proceed.
- Summarize. A woman can start a personal diary in which she will record the good events that happen in life after breaking up with her lover. This can help you quickly forget a married man and be indifferent to memories of him.
Loving a man who already has a woman is very difficult. Sometimes you may encounter the fact that feelings arise for a married man, and therefore the hope does not die that he will soon leave his wife. But when this does not happen, the realization comes that it is time to get rid of feelings for him. The tips mentioned above will definitely help with this.
There are situations in life when a husband, without meaning to, deprives his wife of attention. Experiencing a terrible need for love and affection, a woman begins to look for adventures on the side.
Many beautiful people manage to compensate for the lack of attention by flirting at work, at events, and in the gym. But sometimes this is not enough. A girl can be so disappointed that the desire to return her former passion pushes her to the idea of taking a lover. In some cases, the husband feels that his wife is moving away and takes decisive action to return his beloved. The wife, having taken a break from everyday problems, does not resist and, having decided that the family is most important, goes forward. But here’s the catch - sometimes the understanding comes that the lady has fallen in love and does not have the strength to break off the forbidden relationship. What to do in such a situation? How to stop loving your lover and love your spouse again? Or maybe do the opposite?
To quench your passion for your new partner, you need to remember why this relationship began? After all, you didn’t plan to build a strong family with a person and swear allegiance to the grave. You are probably:
- They were looking for temporary consolation.
- They wanted physical and psychological pleasure.
- Perhaps they wanted to attract the attention of their spouse.
Look at the situation more simply. If you have a feeling of attachment, convince yourself that it is just an illusion. After all, you know that love is not passionate experiences and mind-blowing sex, love is what you have as a husband, what the couple has gone through over a long period and this should not be lost.
The phrase that family is most important is not an empty phrase. You probably already know that. You have realized yourself as a wife, built a life and starting a new relationship, the prospect of which none of the lovers is sure of, is a bad idea.
To fall out of love, you need to give up all kinds of meetings and focus on convincing yourself.
Switch to your spouse, children, everyday life, travel. But don't fight the memories of your ex with fanatical passion. Sometimes intense struggle with oneself leads to despair and depression. It causes even more thoughts about a supposedly ideal past and uncertainty about your current life. Allow yourself to think, remember, but just treat this as a good period that has ended.
Spend a lot of time on your rightful chosen one. Psychologists advise falling in love with your husband again. But both we and psychologists themselves understand that it is not so simple. Therefore, to begin with, set yourself the goal of renewing your old relationship, to come to the initial stage when there was no love yet, but there was already sympathy. Take the initiative into your own hands - diversify your leisure time, everyday life, and intimate life. Remember, the important thing here is not to wish or want to stop loving, but to have a firm intention to do so.
If you suddenly have conflicts or family troubles, under no circumstances return to someone else. Such an act is fraught with a new wave of passion, which will bring all your efforts to nothing. We'll have to start parting with feelings again. Do you want to go through the nine circles of hell again? In addition, the spouse will probably suspect something is wrong and will not let the mistake go the second time.
But another option is always possible - to reconsider your views on your beloved. Perhaps there is no longer a need for a relationship with him. But that's another story. So let's leave her alone...
What a woman experiences when trying to fall out of love
True love has little chance of getting rid of it quickly. The lady needs to tune in to the fact that getting rid of feelings is a long process. And the main thing in this matter is not to forbid yourself to experience the full range of upcoming experiences.
At the first stage, everything is, of course, difficult. At first you will be faced with a refusal to believe that the relationship is over. It’s good if there is a person nearby - a friend or mother who will completely understand and support you morally. Ideally, if your husband turns out to be an understanding friend. This happens rarely, but if this case concerns you, then you are very lucky.
At first, the lady will want to call, write or organize a farewell meeting with her beloved. Perhaps she will find solace in alcohol and the endless carousel of parties with her friends. But this is also not an option. You need to understand that the time to be alone with yourself and feel, analyze, cry what is boiling over will inevitably overtake you.
Then the question is: how to stop loving your lover and not give in to momentary impulses? So, convince yourself that the impulse is momentary. It will pass in half an hour, but the regret that you lost your temper will remain. Realize that the crazy actions you want to do are a provocation of your brain. If you ignore and do not give in to temptation, the sensation will occur less and less often, and then disappear altogether.
Instead of dialing your ex's phone number, call a friend and talk about your passion. It will be great if in response you hear a similar story from your friend and end up laughing together.
We need to reduce the importance of what is happening. And you can only reduce it when you are busy with something really interesting. Consider the break as a chance, as an incentive to learn something new, delve into a hobby, yoga, sports, and develop your performance.
The psychologist's advice on this issue is non-violence against oneself. If you are already tired of your loved ones with your conversations about your ex, pour out your feelings on paper. Write about the pain, what you feel. You will see that every time you express yourself on paper, you will come to the conclusion that there is no point in continuing a relationship that is obviously doomed to failure.
Much in the period of “forgetting” depends on the character of the woman herself.
There are two ways in which you can stop loving someone:
- Long-term analysis alone.
- An adventure called “don’t let yourself waste away.”
Some people need to change their minds, suffer for a long period. And the key word here is necessary. This is the personality type. For these ladies, during the period of liberation from feelings, it is best to retire. If you have a spouse, you should not be embarrassed to ask to leave you for a while, or better yet, to leave on your own.
Other people are in dire need of a switch, complete and immediate. They need to “jump” from one activity to another, not allow themselves to think, and not stop even during severe depression. Both methods are effective, and both methods really help in fulfilling the intention.
Your task is to choose a suitable method for yourself by trial. Perhaps you combine two methods at the same time or come up with your own - individual. The main thing is to believe in yourself, don’t give up and everything will definitely work out.
Let's talk about the correct behavior and mistakes of women who play a second role and no longer want to be a third party to relieve tension in the family system of their dear man, as well as how to stop loving a married man. But first, let's talk about what behavior is incorrect and what common mistakes exist.
1) Disbelief that a woman in love with a man deserves to be a wife, and disbelief that a man is ready to get a divorce and start a new family. It is very important not only to really want to succeed and for this man to start living with you and marry you, but also to believe that this will definitely happen, sooner or later.
Confidence in your feminine power greatly influences who a man will live with. The wife often has more of this confidence, but if her mistress is stronger, the man will go to her. Younger women tend to have more energy, which is why men leave older women for younger women.
2) Silent agreement with the role of the second wife. Women are sometimes afraid to say that, generally speaking, they don’t like this role, they’re tired of it, they’re afraid to say that they want changes. This fear is associated with the fear that the man may leave. There is no need to be afraid of this. If he leaves, that's where he goes. You will find another.
3) Hysterics and excessive emphasis on his dissatisfaction with the role of the “second” woman in his life. For a man, women's hysterics and tears, especially if they are associated with criticism and comments addressed to him, are extreme.
Many men say that women's tears and scandals are one of the most unpleasant events that can happen in a relationship. Research shows that men experience unpleasant sensations during a showdown not only on a psychological, but also on a physical level.
The solution to how to stop loving a married man
1) It is important to develop self-confidence. What is self-confidence? What does it consist of? It consists of cognitive, emotional and behavioral components. At the cognitive level, we are talking about the fact that a confident person knows himself well, his strengths and weaknesses, knows how to manage his emotions and influence those with whom he communicates.
A confident woman is also clear about what she wants in a relationship with a particular man, and makes every effort to achieve her goals and knows how to stop loving a married man, if she has definitely decided for herself. She has also studied the man quite well and continues to note for herself various features of his behavior that she can one way or another use to develop a good relationship with him. A confident person also cultivates certain thoughts - positive thinking, attitudes associated with growth, development, victory, success.
A confident woman remembers that our lives are a reflection of our beliefs, and chooses those beliefs that make her life the way she wants it to be. A confident woman also clearly understands what her psychological boundaries are and protects them, including in relationships with her beloved man.
From an emotional point of view, a confident woman knows how to control her feelings. To control does not mean to pretend that nothing is happening in front of oneself; to control does not mean to suppress and drive inside.
Control means being aware of your own emotionality and being able to separate emotions and intellect, in difficult and especially conflict situations, acting based on reason, and not on feelings. She also knows how to recognize the emotions of her beloved man and influence them in such a way that he wants to spend more and more time with her and not with someone else.
From a behavioral point of view, a confident woman integrates cognitive and emotional aspects and behaves differently depending on the situation, knows how to switch roles and acts actively in a feminine way, without going into the mud and without hanging in indecision, except in those situations where it is rationally necessary. And he doesn’t really think about what to give to a married man, but simply gives with all his heart what he wants.
2) Silent agreement with the “third” role in their family is again associated with self-doubt, which we have already discussed. You need to decide for yourself: do you want to be with this man all your life, do you want children from him? do you really want him to become your husband?
Surprisingly, very often women who like married men and declare suffering, after thinking, say that they do not know whether they really want to marry their man. They may well be satisfied with this role, and they talk about suffering because it is socially desirable, because they are afraid of condemnation.
Through suffering, they seem to atone for their sin in the eyes of other people and receive internal permission to continue in the same spirit. If you answer yourself: I don’t know if I want to marry this man, then you don’t want to. And there is nothing left to talk about. But if you answer: yes, I want, then it is necessary to act, including at the level of words, periodically expressing your dissatisfaction with the role of the second wife, without blaming either the man, his wife, and especially the children. You only talk about how you feel and what you want.
And if you speak periodically, and no reaction follows, you can, of course, be patient, but it is important to decide for yourself: how much are you willing to endure and remain on the sidelines? Atleast approximately. Just be careful with ultimatums - they certainly stress men out.
If a man is really thinking about leaving you, then you don’t even need to think about how to take a married man away from your family. He will leave without any ultimatums, but only because his beloved girl, whom he sees as a potential wife, is suffering. A man goes to the woman who buys red lingerie on Shantily.com and who, according to his own feelings, needs him more. And he needs someone who needs him.
3) The third mistake - excessive expression of dissatisfaction in the form of hysterics and scandals can seriously damage the relationship, since partly due to the lack of these, the man entered into a relationship with you.
Most likely, he had enough hysterics in his relationship with his wife. The other woman is so attractive to him, in particular, because in the relationship with her there are practically no scandals, abuse, criticism, or excessive control.
She accepts him as he is and rejoices in him for who he is, without trying to change him. This is how most people behave when they are in love, it would be ideal to at least try to maintain this style of relationship even after a certain number of years of marriage, this needs to be remembered and monitored.
When a man is about to make a choice - where to go and with whom to stay, one of the decisive factors is his well-being - with whom is he more comfortable, with whom does he feel better? Certainly not with the one who screams all the time, of course, only if he is not a masochist.
Therefore, as soon as you feel that you are about to lose your temper, and that you really want to make a scandal, stop and go watch the movie “Anger Management” with Jack Nicholson in the title role.
You can count to 10 or 20, and then write down your feelings in a diary or on paper, you can leave one room to another, remember that you have a sacred goal - your own family and children, and a man simply needs more time than For a woman, in order to make a decision, you can come up with other adequate saving thoughts, but the main thing is to remember that with each of your hysterics you are increasingly delaying the happy moment of going to the registry office and starting your life together. Every hysteria moves him away, and every calm but sober state brings him closer.
With all this, let us remind you once again: wanting a man to leave your family for you is true only if you really love him and are ready to do everything to have him with you.
Love is sacred. Other reasons - no.
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